It's amazing isn't it? Having set up this space for almost 2 years but not posting anything till now. Guess i was inspired after reading my friends' blog.

Penning down my thoughts perhaps is the only way now to reflect upon what God has taught me along the way throughout med school and also amidst this horrifyingly busy schedule.

What scares me most now is the feeling of unrest and fatigue even after a night's worth of rest. Ironically, I slept even more than the usual hours in this whole week.

I'm trying to stay calm seriously. Trying not to be stress. Learning to embrace what God has for me each day. However, I fear the day when I abandon all these goals again and get immersed back to the whole vicious cycle of abandoning time with God and focusing only on my studies...

Matthew 6:21

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. "

Is my heart not with you Lord? Sheryl wrote that it dawned upon her that day that this verse could be interpreted as " where you place your energy and time in, is also where your heart is". The only conclusion that I could come up with is that my life still does not revolve totally around God...but my studies.

Oh Lord, please teach me to focus on you. I am willing to submit myself to you. Please deal with my heart and make it willing. Wrestle and take this "me" from me.

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It has been rather thought provoking reading Lin's blog. Today or rather last night she posted about humility and dying of the old self. Indeed, this is still an issue that I am struggling with. May God mould me and guide me each day to become the new wineskin that is ready for the in pouring of new wine. And yes, her entry was once again a reminder to me that everything I do is to the glory of God who has provided me with the strength each day and not because of ME.

Undeniably, there is still a lot of self pride in me especially when we are discussing things in the wards. Learning to accept that I am wrong and that others have valuable opinions to contribute is still something I am working on... and a reminder each day also that as I pray to focus not on whether I perform well or not in a tutorial but to focus on the learning process... Is that a sign of maturity? I certainly hope so... prayers have shifted the direction of "God, please allow me to pull through this day..." or "God, please bless this day..." to " God, please teach me to embrace this day" and also praying for the people around me. I realised that I have been focusing too much on ME all this while in my walk. But the stark reminder from Romans and even Galatians was that God wanted us to love thy neighbour as thyself. And so I am trying, very hard. God, please be patient with me in the meantime.

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Ephesians 4:29

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Yes Lord, teach me, guide me and remind me once again. Sometimes when I am in a foul mood especially in the mornings...I have the tendency to utter words that I regret.

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Father, I want to give thanks for this week. How you have so graciously pulled me through the first 3 days of clinicals. I knew it was you then who gave me the peace during the tutorial on thurs. Thank you once again Lord. Teach me to learn how to commit all these stress to you Lord, cos in you I have no fear Father. Thank you for ever being so patient with me. Teach me to stand firm in you Lord, and not waver...Teach me to be an overcomer and not succumb to stress and work. And in the midst of all these, Lord I pray that you will grant me the joy of learning, for all the knowledge that I learn Lord, I pray they can be put to good use in the future for the service of your people. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name I give thanks and pray. Amen."